It is June. In two weeks, half of the year will be over. I’m painfully reminded that seasons can change very quickly, so I need to be doing the things I really want to do with my life.
Around March and April I took some liberties with my money, treating myself to this thing and that. But just like sugary snacks, the novelty wears off fast, and that period of time left me reeling a bit and wondering why the heck I simply haven’t been using many of the things I’ve purchased this past year. This has been one of the driving forces behind my minimalism: the more stuff I own and acquire, the more it costs, and the less any of it gets used. The less I own and acquire, the less I spend, and the more enjoyment I get out of the things I have.
Angry at my overeating for the past few weeks, I realized something else that applies to this subject: food. I’ve paid the most for groceries when I spontaneously buy new ingredients to try out. It’s nothing against spontaneity, but what is such a waste of money is when those foods go bad before I eat them, or when they sit there mocking me. I think, “Oh, I’ll make that dish someday!” but actions speak louder than words. When those ingredients have been collecting dust for the past six months (the non-perishables, to be clear), this speaks very loudly to the fact that you really don’t want to make that dish so much after all.
It’s like clothes. We all have a shirt or two that we think looks nice but we never wear. This has been perpetually astonishing to me. Like really, “No, this is a nice shirt!” So why don’t I ever wear it? Everything I thought I knew about the mind breaks down right there. The shirts you actually like are the shirts you actually wear. (and I’ve collected too many shirts, too)
But back to the food. It’s fascinating how I go through different meals over different time periods. For awhile I was cooking ground beef with onions and putting it with cheese in a tortilla, but I suddenly stopped doing this and my tortillas are wasting away. Lately, I’ve been cooking chicken in various (typically Indian) sauces with rice and maybe some naan. My breakfast sandwiches are the most stable. But it’s tricky, because if you buy ingredients for “all” of the things you like, I feel you’re less likely to use those ingredients. But if, during any given week, you only focus on a few of the things you like, you’re more likely to actually eat all of those foods. I’m amazed (dang, gettin’ those adjectives in today) at how, almost every week, a free meal will pop up at some point in time. My dinners are hardly ever planned, but I haven’t been lacking in the evening in a long time. It just really makes me question how much I need on hand at any given time. (and frankly, skipping a few meals would not be the worst thing for me…)
I think it was February and March when I spent less than $200 each month on groceries (not to be confused with a budget for eating out with friends, which is maybe 1-4 times per month). These were months in which I focused exclusively on what was on my grocery list. And I certainly wasn’t lacking in food.
I don’t know, I just feel really challenged by this. I never seem to need quite what I think I need. All those books I’ve given away over the past 5+ years? I don’t miss any of them. There’s maybe one I wouldn’t mind reading part of again, but that’s free online if I really want. I’ve got too many work shirts I don’t wear, and I may be one or two regular shirts short. But I’m not opposed to washing clothes once a week.
Almost every time I treat myself to a snack, it isn’t worth it. A number of things I buy aren’t worth it, either (although some things certainly are worth it). It has me seeking some silence in my life, some deeper reflection. The things that I want to do…will I do them? The people I want to see…will I see them? Do my unlimited number of ‘projects’ hinder me from the real goals of my life? Or am I just jumping from one vague sense of accomplishment to another?
Stuff’s getting trashed, that’s all I can say. The quest to simplify continues. I could also just be crazy, but the deeper these lessons sink, the more determined I become to shed the excess. I don’t know if it will lead me to the place I want to be, but I don’t seriously believe I’ll be worse off, either.