I was praying to the Christian God in a Buddhist temple when I felt like God revealed a part of my calling to me. He said that he would make me like a bridge between people. I don’t know the full significance of all that I heard there, but I’m eager to find out.
It was a powerful experience to be on the other side of the world, in one of the more remote villages in the world, sitting in a smokey, incense-filled temple, the back wall covered in ancient artifacts and statues, listening to men and women chant and swing little drums. I couldn’t help but admire the beauty of what I was seeing, at the same time feeling lost in the works of religious iconography, tales, stories, and languages unknown, a foreign and mysterious social code beyond the realms of my own imagination. But I felt a lot of compassion, too, witnessing so many people stuck in ritual and striving. To be fair, though, you don’t need to travel to the other side of the world to see people trapped in ritual and striving, for there’s plenty of that down every street in our own Christian churches.
Much of the discourse on diversity in the United States comes from preachy leftists, and it’s annoying as hell. But if you can look past the popular discourse, there’s a lot to be said of diversity in general, and ever since earning my bachelor’s degree in Anthropology, I’ve come to really appreciate this diversity. And I think that really matters. Whereas so many people in the Christian church are focused on proving others wrong and themselves right, I enjoy simply trying to understand other cultures and peoples.
At my uncle’s funeral several years ago, I met a very old woman, whose position in the family I can’t remember. She told a story of going on a missions trip to the Middle East when she was young, but she chose judgement over understanding. “They’re just so backward over there”, was her conclusion. I’m not really one to get offended on others’ behalf, but I had to stifle a laugh, as her statement was such a classic example of racism-by-ignorance. I consider this to be pretty benign, honestly, though I guess leftists would probably try to burn her at the stake (on Twitter, nonetheless), but it’s disappointing to me to see this among Christians, who simply never bother to try to understand anything other than their own insular world. To be fair, though, that’s definitely not everybody in the church, but it’s still too many.
I was just talking with my life group last night about how it seems that at every church I’ve ever been to, there’s always that one guy who is a little too excited to discuss how wrong Mormons are because he’s “studied” and he “knows things”. Why people get so excited to “prove” others wrong is a strange phenomenon. There’s a lot that I don’t like about Mormonism, but I’ve known several Mormons over the course of my life, and they are definitely people I would sit down and play Halo with, so I don’t know why I need to be so concerned about, I don’t know, disproving them? There’s a time and a place for those discussions, but the people should matter the most, in my opinion.
Several people have accused me of being arrogant about the subject of money. It’s hard for me to know what to do about that, because I always want to be open to correction, but at the same time, all you have to do is say that you have a lot of money, which is a faux pax in American culture, and a limited number of people will automatically assume you’re an arrogant dick. Don’t you know that some people don’t have money, you prick? Of course, my writing style has often been harsh, and I’ve done my fair share of venting. I don’t feel I’ve ever been arrogant about money itself, but I wonder if sometimes I’ve been arrogant about my approach to it, which I think has been pretty effective, but I’m not one to deny the viability of other paths. I don’t know. I guess that’s something I would need to pray about, because nobody’s ever had the guts to really address it with me without launching an attack (which might say more about them than it does about me). But if I want to think objectively about religion and truth, I’ll need any potential arrogance to be rooted out. But then again, they are kind of different subjects, and I’m simply not the sort of Christian who goes around thinking every other religion is de facto stupid. I’ve read the Koran, parts of the Book of Mormon, the Bhagavad Gita, the Gathas of Zarathustra, and I’d be the first to tell you that my understanding of those books has been extremely limited and unsatisfactory, but I am interested in learning more. (Oh, I’ve read some Richard Dawkins and Bertrand Russell, too, the latter of which I think is far more sophisticated than the former)
I did come home from Nepal with quite a few books on Buddhism. I’ve always been more interested in Hinduism, but I also understand it’s a massive subject not for the faint of heart, and honestly, I feel like the Spirit has blocked me from studying it, as the time simply isn’t right. (though I did bring home two copies of the Bhagavad Gita, one in Nepali and one in English). I feel like I’m really starting to understand Buddhism, though I’m still very early. And I have some frustrations with it, namely the obsession with these stories of students and masters, and the obnoxious theme of cleverness – supposedly spoken against – in all of the lessons the students are supposed to learn. Basically, unless you’re a master, you’re a stupid idiot who “doesn’t get it”, and if your intellect leads you against Buddhism, well, that’s because you’ve missed the path (convenient hedge against disagreement!). But, those raw frustrations aside, I think it’s important to push through and keep studying, because you do need to reach a certain level of competence before you can draw too many conclusions. Honestly, it’d be pretty easy to dismiss Christianity if you only read certain parts of the Old Testament, so there’s that. I’m also eager to learn some Nepali, and I think Nepali and Buddhism go hand in hand, though obviously Buddhism appears in many regions across the world, and has several key variants. Basically, I fully intend to return to Nepal.
I’m just fascinated right now, struggling not to pour too much effort into all of this. Philosophy, culture, anthropology, archaeology, the ancient near east, language, writing, truth…it all culminates in this type of study, though I think it also requires a lot of prayer, because I’m so quick to jump on things to study. The one lingering question would be, where does economics fit into all of this? And the truth is, it might not. It might simply be the means of financially navigating the bigger picture of my calling, however that ultimately manifests. And I don’t plan to leave the world of software anytime soon, either. But I need to tread very carefully or I’ll get tripped up in my own expectations and curiosities.