My first year in college, I lived on campus, and one of my friends in the apartment stairwell went out and spent $1,300 on a sound system for his junk ass car. It made me angry because I couldn’t believe so much money could be spent on something so unnecessary, but only years later would I recognize this as a deep-seated envy. But you have to realize there was a critical difference between myself and the friend who bought the sound system, namely that he had a job and I didn’t, and that dramatically affects how much free money you having lying around.
It’s not uncommon for people brought up in the low-middle class to really disdain the ostentation of people earning much more. And this is unfortunate, because it screws with your head, and you get this idea that spending less is inherently better. Sometimes it evens plants this idea in your head that spending less is morally superior, which, technically, from your system of priorities, might actually be true for your circumstances, if you need to focus your money on more important things, but it can’t necessarily be applied broadly against other people’s priorities.
But on the other hand, I’ve never quite been able to believe that spending doesn’t matter, I simply don’t know what the boundaries look like. I remember in a young adults Sunday school class one time, somebody new turned up and had his iPad out with a Bible app and an iPhone along with him, and we talked about money that day. Ha! It was so silly seeing this young guy with so much fancy tech in one place, though I don’t think it’s fair to say there’s anything wrong with that, and, unfortunately, I think there was a large constituency of us there with enough of that poverty spirit in us that the discussion probably wasn’t a great encouragement to him. But who knows? Maybe God had a message specific to him that day that we didn’t know about. He may have turned up one more time, but I don’t believe he came back after that.
It’s interesting, though, as I’ve come to accept that spending is not wrong, just how defensive some people with great wealth get when their lifestyle is criticized. In that same Sunday school, possibly years later, one of our members was guest speaking on money, and although I wasn’t there that day, apparently two people got up and left during that class and basically never came back. Their father was a rather wealthy man. I don’t know what was said, but the fact that they decided to judge the entire class based on the opinions of a guest speaker (whom I can attest has a generally good heart), I think said more about them than it did about the class.
And I can see both sides. It’s extremely common for people will little money to think they know how those with a lot of money should spend it, but the motivation is often envy, not an actual knowledge of how any quantity of money “should” be spent, which is otherwise deeply philosophical and not a little problematic. The pattern is, if somebody has several levels of more money than you, it’s easy to be offended that they don’t have the same money limitations as you do, and at that point, people usually start saying it should be given away. But then some people become so enamored with their wealth, often bolstered by beliefs in work ethic and a denial of the role of chance and circumstance, that they take any attacks on their wealth very personally, since their spending has become part of their life, and they have become deeply accustomed to their toys. They have “earned” and they “deserve”, or so they think.
[There is also a certain arrogance that can be formed when people get used to having “nice” things – they come to think of anything less as being “cheap” and “below them”, so there’s that, too]
From my perspective, priorities change based on your needs and your income. At one stage in life, it might make a lot of sense to keep using a flip phone. At another stage in life, that $1,000 mid-spec iPhone might not present any concern at all. It changes with the relative value of $1 in your life. I don’t know that there’s really any way around that.
A little strategy can go a long way, and that’s why I beat up on high earners who struggle with money. I’ve probably been a little too mean at times, because it is actually tricky business, and I think what happens is that people create complex systems around themselves without realizing it, and those systems leech their money away surreptitiously. In the midst of buying a new and large house, they sometimes find themselves sapped by maintenance; in the midst of buying new cars, they find themselves struck by insurance, monthly payments, gas, and the pressure to keep it clean and perfect; in the midst of buying devices, they find themselves buying dozens of accessories and adapters and cables, then paying for various services to “get use” of out of those devices. Sometimes [and I think we all do this at times], it’s a matter of being stressed and having the money to buy something cool that takes the edge off the stress, only to find, years later, closets full of things, things, and more things.
So there is a very human side to it all. Though, yes, it is kind of ironic when high earners are broke but get offended if you suggest they are living in unnecessary luxury. But people have to come to this realization themselves. They are kind of hopeless otherwise 🙂 .
For my part, it’s just weird growing up low-middle class, then ending up in software development. There are two key extremes: do absolutely nothing with my money and take the path of the miser, or party it up with all manner of expensive shit (because that’s what life’s all about, right?). Most people don’t choose the extremes, but I think tend toward one or the other, and most of the time they can live perfectly normal, happy lives either way.
I tend to feel guilty, though. Back when my friend spent $1,300 on his sound system, it just felt so unfair to me, how many good, useful things I could have used that money for, except that I didn’t have that money, while my friend spent it to put sweet tunes in the ass-mobile [okay, I don’t remember what it actually looked like, but it’s always an early 90s two-seat beater in my memory]. So, when I drop $500 on a new phone, it’s never lost on me that somebody out there could really use that to cover rent, or put food on the table. And I honestly don’t know what to do with that. I don’t believe that “redistribution” is the answer to everything [and I tend to swing conservative on economic issues], but I’m not without compassion. I feel like I’ve worked out a decent system with the Big Guy that I’m not worshiping money or anything like that, but I know that it’s okay to buy things, since I do have the money for them, and the strategies I’ve put in place, given that I happen to be a software developer now, mostly work in my favor from a savings perspective.
I guess, if anything, it should generate thankfulness, and the realization that money is never a guarantee of anything. Economies can switch in a hurry, and a high-paying job can evaporate overnight. Living in humility might mean having some realistic restraint with how much you buy and how much debt you take on, because you aren’t invincible and your good fortune [so to speak] can be touched. It might mean paying careful attention to your spending to make sure your priorities are straight. I think it is also important to find someway to give, though that may look different for everybody.
I also think that investing requires a certain dose of humility, but that could be its own topic.
It’s a subject that simply doesn’t go away for me. I always seem to circle back to it in various ways, I think because it’s such a challenging issue. If somebody tries to tell me I should never buy anything nice, I’m probably going to ignore them, but I might also listen to what’s in their heart that leads them to believe that. We’re all kind of broken in certain ways, and I think sometimes listening to people is more important than listen to what they say.