It’s been a rough couple months. Budget-wise. I spent the whole month of November on a massive spending bender. I don’t remember the last time I spent all the slack in my paycheck on various crap, but it definitely happened. Some might say that was long overdue, I’d say it was long over-stupid, but at least I have grace for myself. A little bit. Most of that stuff was useful. I think.
The worst part so far is that all of my giving plans have fallen away. Frankly, I didn’t really have any giving plans this year. I wanted to give away as much as I did last year, but I didn’t have the same vision, so now I feel like a greedy a-hole.
Last year was glorious. I had this really big ticket item I wanted to buy for someone close to me, and I plotted months in advance. It was really a fascinating glimpse at the poverty spirit, since I, cheap as I have often been, made plans to make a big purchase for somebody else.
The price was allocated. The research…flawless. So I played with specs, hemmed and hawed. Always it killed me, seeing how much this feature or that added to the price, but I always had to be reminded…this is not for you. You don’t need to apply your standard approach to purchasing things. Ugh, but, couldn’t this person find a better use for the money? Couldn’t I just get the lower specs and send a check for the difference? They could do some great things with that extra. Yeah, but this person has way more responsibilities than you do. If they had all of that money, would they buy this for themselves, or would they feel pressured to use it more responsibly? Ok, yeah, good point.
So ultimately the goal became this: it needs to be an extreme treat. With all the right specs. Because…it’s worth it. And you can treat yourself. And when you give a gift like that, the person who receives it doesn’t have to worry about responsibility. They just gotta receive it. And they get the full force. And it worked. And I’ve never had so much fun giving. And God’s like, “Yeah, ’cause I’m that kind of God. I do what I want, and I can give these ridiculous blessings, and people just gotta receive, and now you have some insight into that.”
But there was no real vision this year. All I can think is, Dang, I really want to give gifts that LAND. Where it’s like, this is what this person needed, or wanted.
When I was a kid, I really wanted the tyrannosaurus action figure from The Lost World: Jurassic Park. But my mom was smarter than that: she bought me the mobile command center, which was waaaay cooler. I mean, I still wanted the tyrannosaur, but there was so much more play that came with that command center. Do you believe that God gives good gifts to his children (and I don’t mean these are always physical)? I want to be the hands from time to time.
So while I’ve brooded, feeling like a greedy shit for my recent financial indiscretions, I’ve at least once heard God say, “This was never a mandate. This was never about you giving a certain dollar amount, as if that’s some sort of leash I’ve put you on, as if I’m not going to bless you just because you didn’t give ‘enough’. This was something I invited you into. Something to challenge you, and allow you to see part of Me. This was not about you having figured out the best ways to give. It was about exploration; even exploring how you enjoy giving! It was about seeking my will, and seeing the love I have for my people.”
I do have some money yet to give. I converted my “Car Maintenance” savings account to a “Giving” savings account. My money market account IS my car account; get over yourself, self. We’ll see what actually happens with that this year. It’s always easy to give around Christmas time, but there are plenty of other good times to give. My plan is to put a set dollar amount into that account every month. It’s going to be interesting because I don’t have access to my new company’s 401k until midway through the year, so I’ll have to *gasp!* de-prioritize such accounts until that point.
Get pumped! Who knows what cool things could be given this year?