The Background
Dream interpretation is definitely a more charismatic topic in Christianity. Most of the churches I have been to have ignored the subject entirely, perhaps tacitly admitting that God spoke to people in the Bible through dreams, but largely ignoring the possibility that God still does this.
For less than a year now I’ve been a part of a church that believes God speaks to us through dreams, and the interpretation groups I have attended have really opened my eyes to how dreams so frequently point us toward God if we are willing to listen.
You have to realize that in my late teens and early twenties, I struggled tremendously with believing Christianity. When the leaders in my youth group couldn’t answer my desperate questions, I set off on my own to find answers and even walked away from church attendance entirely for about two years. I had learned that the ancient world could actually be studied and that this would shed light on the Bible, so I poured myself into study: the history, archaeology, and languages of the ancient world. These subjects were fascinating, but those years were terribly lonely.
Now, dreams had a large role to play in me abandoning this quest. This is a very long story, the bulk of which I will not discuss here. Let’s just say that you can only wake up praying in a language you don’t understand and crying your eyes out after so many vivid and spiritual dreams before you realize that God just is, and that he speaks to us. The pressure I had placed on myself to study those subjects was so great that one day I was looking up at my bookshelf and I heard the still-small voice say, “What if you just got rid of these?” Within a month they were all gone.
Hebrew
Flash forward to 2018. At the beginning of the summer, thanks to a heads-up from a friend, I discovered that the local seminary was offering a Hebrew class in the evenings. It was even on a day that I was free! Sure, I had studied Latin, Greek, Middle Egyptian, and various bits of cuneiform script, but I had never actually gotten to take a Hebrew class. This was perfect!
There was just one small problem: I hate school. Over the past decade plus, I’ve managed to turn any subject that interests me into an obligation. Last year, I took a 10-session, non-credit Conversational Chinese class at the local community college. Asia is the only continent I would actually pay serious money to visit, and I thought, “Gee, this may be the only chance I get to take this class, and it couldn’t hurt to be familiar with the language of the politically-dominant country over there, could it?” Sure, until session #4, when I was already tired of studying. I pushed through to the end, but it was grueling.
So I have been worried about this Hebrew class. It is 16 weeks, is graduate-level, and costs a lot to take (~$700 total). It is very easy for me to want to know something, but it is sometimes very difficult putting the effort into learning it. I have been praying that God would tell me whether this class is something I should audit or not. There is still a lot to learn for my career, and Hebrew does nothing to contribute to this, and I have desperately needed a season of rest.
So two nights ago, I had a dream.
The Dream
In this dream, I was in an old location. I was on the second floor of a large wooden building, sort of like a house. There were a few old people, many mysteries, a monster, some sort of forbidden room, a large old balcony, and danger. It was incredibly fun. The clearest thing I remember was being on this huge patio out back, where I found an antique pistol. I was like, “Sweet!” and went to shoot it off into the air, but the bullet just slid out when I angled it down. See, I had forgotten the black powder. The bullet was modern, was not rusted, didn’t have a primer, and seemed to be made of solid gold, but had a dent on its side. I held onto the gun and kept going about the dream.
You see, though, when I woke up, I could hardly remember any of the dream. I just had these brief flashes. I grew really agitated and angry. God seems to do this to me so often, where I have a complex dream and can’t remember all (or sometimes any) of it. This dream felt so important. Why couldn’t I remember everything?
Now, as I’ve gone to more and more dream-interpretations sessions, I’ve learned that sometimes how we interact with the dream has something to reflect about its meaning. At the first dream interpretation session I’ve gone to, one guy had a dream that had featured violence and cutting, as with a sword. Then before the dream concluded, he woke up. This was in fact part of the dream, continuing the cutting theme. His dream was cut short! So not being able to remember a dream may actually be part of the dream’s message.
I was frustrated at God yesterday because at the end of the day I had still not remembered the key pieces to the dream. That’s when it hit me.
I had specifically been praying that God would answer my question about taking this Hebrew class through a dream. The thought briefly crossed my mind when I woke up, but I ignored it because what do Hebrew and guns have in common? But you have to realize that my love of archaeology and history is represented by that location. It was old and made of old boards, like in the late 1800s. It had all these themes that really make me come alive. But it was a faded dream, one I could barely remember.
In fact, studying the ancient world is a faded dream of mine, the excitement for which I can barely remember. That antique pistol? You can still kill a man with that; it still has potency. In the same way, Hebrew may be ancient, but it still has potency. It can help you study the Old Testament, can potentially even bring you closer to God if you use it right. But I was lacking spark, or motivation. Just like Hebrew, it would become a cool item to set on the shelf, but without that black powder it really had no power in my life. And that gold bullet? Think of gold as symbolic for money. It was dented on its side, and this class will put a dent in my wallet if I take it. This is wordplay, a common theme in dreams.
I don’t believe God is telling me I can’t take this class. But I think he’s warning me. “This may be cool but it isn’t useful right now”. The passion I once had for this subject has faded. It’s going to cost a lot, and I know it’s going to take up a lot of my time. I don’t think I really want to take this class.
I have one more thing to say on this. I desperately need a season of rest. I have always been studying, always learning. Some of this has been good, most of this has been bad. When I am lonely, study feels worthless. I really care more about people than knowledge, but I spent so many years trying to believe otherwise. The more I have to read, the less time I spend with people. This has always, always been the case. Also, I want to get into better shape, and the more I have to read, the less time I spend being active. This has always, always been the case. The more I have to read, the less sleep I get. This has always, always been the case.
I was going to go to the dream group last night, but this incredible drowsiness overtook me and I ended up napping for two hours. I believe this happened for a reason: I need this next season to be a season of rest if I want to focus on what matters most in my life right now.
Conclusion
It kills me, it really does, but I’m going to drop that class. I think God has put the love of archaeology and history in me for a reason, but whatever that reason may be, now is not the time to focus on those things. And obviously, the whole point of this blog is to talk about money and what God is doing in my life through that. Very recently God has brought to my attention some great opportunities for giving that I’m really excited about. But to stay on this trajectory, I’ve got to be focused on the things that push me forward in my software development. I can’t be committing huge chunks of time to things like this. I need to be resting more in general, but even dedicating an equivalent amount of time to studying the technologies I need to know will put me miles ahead of where I am now.
You have to focus on what’s in front of you, not what’s behind. Someday, when it’s appropriate, I may get to travel back.